30 Friday Mar 2012
We made those a while ago. It’s strawberry muffins with a cream cheese topping. I used a banana muffin recipe, but substituted mashed banana with mashed strawberries :)
Maybe you’re wondering why I could die for a cupcake. Because I’ve been sitting in a classroom for five hours without a break. Sigh!BUT it’s the last day in school so I’m kind of enjoying every moment :)
09 Friday Mar 2012
Tags
Employment, life, school, work
..I’m still looking for a job. But today I was on another interview and I think it went pretty well.
Job description: count passengers on rural busses – mornings, days, evenings, and nights. For how long? About a month. This also means waiting in the middle of the night somewhere, for a bus to come so you can count how many passengers that get on/off the bus. Not so funny, but whatever..
If I got the job, I would take it because I really need a job, that doesn’t mean I would do a lousy job – that’s just not me to do anything like that. But I really hope I’ll get something better, soon :)
Today is Friday! yah! Friday is always a good day :)
23 Monday Jan 2012
Tags
life, pictures, Playground, school, skateboard, thoughts, work
Yesterday we (Erik and I) took a walk, and we walked by this playground. OMG! When I see something like this I wish I was 5 years old LOL! Why didn’t they build things like these in the early 90′s? We had to walk in there just to take a look. Then we passed a skateboard “park”. I mean watch out so you don’t fall down there.. It looks incredibly dangerous :)
Anyways, I don’t have a job, but I have this stupid idea to apply for one job every day. Haha! I’ve finished school. If you didn’t know.. all this means I’m kind of unemployed. I’m NOT used to this and it feels like I’m going crazy. Last year I had three jobs at the same time, which on the other hand wasn’t good for me.. It’s had to find a balance. Last week I took a walk to a pet shop (is that what you call it?) and looked at the guinea pigs and rabbits. Talk about wasting your time. This is just NOT my style, but I have promised myself not to work in an old people’s home again. Ever! I could almost start going to church, and pray, so I won’t have to do it, so I really hope I’ll find a job soon :)
Hope you all are having a good start on the week. I like Mondays!
09 Friday Dec 2011
I hate the stupid situation that I’m in. I have two weeks until the thesis I’m writing should be done. I have spent the last 11/2 month on writing. Now, my tutor says I have to redo and rewrite like everything. It’s not so easy when they change their minds 46898631 times, it’s kind of bad for the writing process to get different advice every time you ask. Usually things work out :) but I’m just so freaking tired and sad, it’s better to say what you mean from the beginning – that’s my advice to tutors. :)
21 Friday Oct 2011
Today when I went home from school I had the weirdest feeling in my body. It was just strange. My parents are in Dubai, Erik is not at home, neither my sister – means no phone calls or texts. Don’t interpret this as something bad. I woke up early this morning, went to school 3 hours later to study before the lecture. I had lunch, by my self. Took a walk in the city, by myself. After school I had a meeting with a teacher, and then I took the train and bus home. When I came to Malmö I thought “what the hell am I doing?” I caught myself in a strange feeling that I had the option to kind of do what I wanted and it felt so good. I needed to buy some things in the grocery store, but instead of doing it where I live I walked by Hemköp. Something was wrong with the thing that reads the code on the “products” the scanner? so I didn’t have to pay full price – the guy who worked there didn’t know how to change it so he just said “just because it’s you, you don’t have to pay”. LOL! It’s never that I feel lonely, and actually I like to be alone sometimes – but today it was different. I was alone, but it felt better than it has ever done before. I think you can say that it was longing for something but in a good way, to have the trust or something. Anyway it was good.
20 Thursday Oct 2011
Usually I set the alarm on my Iphone, just like I did yesterday evening. Today I woke up at 05:50… I thought: ahh, annoying, why can I never sleep longer.. two minutes later my “real” alarm clock started to beep.. I think I must have pushed the alarm button in my sleep. It was kind of scary ha ha!
And now I’ll show you some pictures from last weekend. Erik and I went to Falsterbo and took a walk. The weather was so nice, it’s almost November but it’s quite warm. We have incredibly much to do in school now with exams and essays and 10 000 other things.. I can’t wait until it’s over :)
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07 Friday Oct 2011
22 Thursday Sep 2011
20 Tuesday Sep 2011
As usually, I have too many things going on, how can I stop this? only I can..the question is if I really have so much things going on or if it’s just the feeling? The other day I bought a bunch of new clothes. I need to buy more. It’s incredible how long it was since I bought new clothes.. We have pretty much going on in school, and then I’m working extra (10h/ week).. but I’m having a lot of fun. The other day I went to Ikea, that’s always fun! And Ie started to think that the counseling course I’m taking is fun again. Now I’m looking for clients :) I’m having Friday off! Yahh! And now I’ve begun to look for a job (I need a job after Christmas, no I’m not working extra as Santa’s daughter lol! but this is my last semester at the university).. I hope something good comes up!
09 Friday Sep 2011
Sometimes we (read I) need to STOP! and think about what we are doing. I guess that was what I did last week, or the week before. Something happened that made me think: is this really how I want things to be like? This is kind of a boring way to start a post, so now I’ll write about the fun stuff:
I have said “no” to some extra jobs I had before, so no more babysitting or working in an old people’s home. This means I’ll have more time over, which I honestly need to feel well. The last week has been kind of very good. I have had time to be at home, I have watched tv! I have had time for cooking, I have taken walks, slept a little bit longer (I still love waking up early ha ha!), I have taken time to think, and I have had time alone (sometimes I need that, or I think everyone needs that.. it’s somehow good to be alone sometimes). And I have spent time with people I like! I have learned new things, and I’ve had the opportunity to learn other people things too.
I had a blogg-post published on yourlife.nu (thanks to you who found it for me, because I had NO IDEA about it! ha ha! It kind of made my day!) (unfortunately it’s not viewable anymore).
Then I started blogging again, honestly it feels good. The last 9 months have been kind of dazing because I’ve reassessed many things, thanks for that (but I’m back now). The last months I have worked too much, but the only one I can blame for that is myself. I’ve learned my lesson, again. There is that balance you have to find between work and free-time and if you can’t find some kind of balance things don’t feel good. Things don’t smell as good, they don’t taste as good, and noting feels as good as it actually can do if you don’t find that balance. Awareness is always the first step towards a change, it also means responsibility, but I like to be responsible ha ha!
I feels like I have eaten a little too much unhealthy stuff during the last months too, too little fruit for example. Today I had a grapefruit :) I like grapefruits. Antioxidants and vitamins are good for you!
Hope you all will have a really good weekend! I’ve decided to have a really good Friday and tomorrow I’m going to see my family (it was at least 3 months since last time) I hope the trains will be on time ;)
08 Thursday Sep 2011
16 Wednesday Mar 2011
Posted in Blah blah
Why? I’m working today. This morning I went up at 6:00 (“snoozed” until 6:20) took my bike from home at 7:00 – it took me 20 minutes to get to the house. Then I couldn’t figure out how the baby car seat was working (I know nothing about children’s things ha ha ha!) we had to hurry so I had to take the bike, it took us 40 minutes to get to the pre-school. Then I took the bike back home, because I had to take a shower, ha ha! Then I ran to catch the bus, took the bus to the train station, the train to Lund, walked to school, later walked back.. then the trains were cancelled!! so it took me 2 hours to get home.. ran home, packed my bag, took the bike to the pre-school, then we took the bike back, it took us 30 minutes. I think that’s almost 15km by bike today!!!! ha ha! Not my bike, but it’s really nice! Tomorrow we are going to take the car!!! Someone made dinner today and I could just eat, it was ages ago since that happened! (or maybe once last month, lol! but before that..)
13 Sunday Mar 2011
08 Tuesday Mar 2011
Currently I have more than just a bunch of things going on, and that’s why I’m not good at writing comments :) if anyone is wondering. I’ll be at this course Wednesday through Friday, and then I guess I have to do all the things I’ll miss in school during the weekend. Life can seem hard sometimes, but eyes on the target! ;) ..and focus. Where focus goes energy flows :)
22 Saturday Jan 2011
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Sometimes it’s fun to look through old pictures, haha! In some way it feels good, because it was not better back then lol! So thank god that things are changing :) I don’t have a picture of it, but god I remember the ugly overalls we were wearing, not to talk about the ugly fleece jackets AND hats! – Multi-colored! I thank god that I never used those horrible metal ring things that people put on their arms over the shirt sleeves, then you should like put it on your upper arm so the sleeve became like fluffy.. ahhh! Horrible!
I have many cousins, the oldest one is 47 ( if I remember it correctly, he had his birthday the other day. My aunt gave all her kids names that starts with M, very creative :). My other aunt did the same thing, it was just she chose “dubbel-namn” like Ann-Sofie.. Anyways once or twice a year one of my aunts came to us with a big plastic bag with clothes that my cousins had grown out of, it was like Christmas.. I so wanted to be like them, and I loved the smell that came out of that bag because my aunt always used (use) Ariel washing powder (still today, she is always buying the same). The only problem was that my cousin was so much thinner than me lol! In one of the pictures I’m wearing my cousins clothes, and shoes. Now I wish I didn’t haha!
From first class through third class, we learned a lot about Jesus. I have to admit that I never liked it, we always had to say prayers and I always thought about something else when we did, because I was so angry we HAD to do it.. What is so funny with that is, if I’m in a similar situation today, I do the same thing. That is so childish! Every morning we sat in a circle on the floor and sung psalms, my gosh it feels like the 1800′s. I think that was forbidden, or at least today it is.. I think.. if it’s not a Christian school. The teacher always told me, Do NOT abuse your god’s name (translated word by word). Every Friday we had a competition because they wanted us to be able to read fast, we were alone with one of the teacher, his name was Ulf, and we got a piece of paper with words written in columns, then he said start, and you should read as fast as you could. I thought it was boring so I never cared. Then when we were done he took a drop or two from the bottle he had in his chest pocket, I MEAN HOW HOW HOW!! could that man work there!???!! LOL! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT?? When I cleaned out my apartment in July I found the text books we used, and they were written DURING THE 70′S, I found a book from 1974.. it’s not weird that I didn’t know the same things as the other children.. haha!
This is a translation of the Poem I wrote in second calss:
I like all kinds of cars,
Opel, golf, Volvo and Saab (Golf is not a brand stupid!)
I like them the best, more than a horse.
Horses are cute, but cars they are best. (I wonder how much the teacher laughed at me!!!)
I’ll now stop before I get way too nostalgic!
17 Monday Jan 2011
Tags
The new course started today. What I think about school right now, is pretty obvious. It’s not fun. It mostly feels like a burden, but I have decided that I want a bachelor’s degree, and that’s it. So I’m trying to think about the future, but I don’t think it works. A reason might be that I feel stressed, and when I do, I feel exhausted, and then I don’t want to do anything at all. I started thinking about what I would rather do, but I couldn’t come up with anything! I mean doesn’t that sound boring! I have like 100 pages to rad until Friday, it’s not much, but the book is written in English, and it’s not a small-size book. The people there seems to be ok, and amazingly, I talked to many of them. Talk about that I have changed.
We got the highest grade on our project about old/young people’s wellbeing/social support. JUST ONE THING you can never imagine what happened! We were ready, I though – me and another girl in our group had written the result/discussion part. The day we were supposed to hand it in to the teacher, I call one of the other guys just to check that everything was ok. She told me “Ahhh we found that some parts lacked importance, so we have re-written them. It turned out to be everything we had done – it took us TWO WEEKS! They did this during Thursday from 20:00-24:00 and during Friday 08:00-14:30. We had to hand it in before 15:00. Then they wanted us to say that we were happy for what they had done. We didn’t even have time to read it through! Typically me I felt like everything I do is terribly poor, because honestly to do something like that is the same thing as saying we are right – you’re wrong. I don’t think we did a bad job, and neither do I think they did. But just because they have an opinion doesn’t mean they are completely right because we might have been as right too, just that we did it differently. Anyways, I asked her: “is there anything we can do about this now” she said no, but still wanted to talk about it to justify herself. I felt sick, but told her that I wanted to move on. I’m not angry when I think about it, but I think it was very rude of them. I also asked a friend for some pictures to use for our poster (we had a poster presentation) but they decided that we couldn’t use them! They were honestly perfect! But insted they found some pictures on Google, that we weren’t allowed to use. That made me angry, because they didn’t tell me until afterwards! I told them I had asked specially because I knew these pictures were good, but they didn’t think I had the right to decide that, maybe I didn’t. Maybe it had something to do with that they thought this was my first course at the university, and that I was 19 – which is not true – I had most credits of all of us, and was between 3-5 years older than them. I don’t think that makes sense, but to some extent it does, because it means they never listened when I talked. It’s hard to talk to people who think they are 100% right, who refuse to see any alternatives – maybe that’s something you can see after 21?
Let’s put a full stop! I need to relax, take it easy, and enjoy the lovely journey that studying really is. I just have to convince myself first, and think about that it’ll soon be spring! I can’t wait for that! :)
17 Friday Dec 2010
Posted in Blah blah, Okategoriserade, Thoughts
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15 Monday Nov 2010
11 Thursday Nov 2010
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25 Monday Oct 2010
15 Friday Oct 2010
Posted in Blah blah
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14 Thursday Oct 2010
Posted in Thoughts
Nothing moves my sister!! I tried to get her to make some kind of funny face haha! not even my scary-I’m-freaking out face made a difference haha!
Ok, yesterday my sister and my mom came here to visit. It was the first time since I moved here in August. It takes a while to drive so they could only stay for 3 hours, but it was kind of fun. We went to a mall and I bought this dress, a pink shirt, and a black cardigan I love!
Tuesday I had a facial treatment. That was one of the best things I have ever done. Afterwards my face looked like hell, but now my skin is much smoother than before. I thought I had problems with pimples, but the girl there said it was something that my skin was dry, and some products makes the skin dry, and then blah blah blah.. so I bought a cleanser with some kind of AHA acid thing, and she said it would help and I really hope so. I can’t understand that I didn’t do this earlier.
I can’t stop thinking about one thing and that is what I “should” do. I mean I just go to school, I can’t feel a meaning with that. That makes me feel.. not very happy. As I have said before living where I live now, is no good for me. I have decided that I should go to the library every day and do school stuff there instead, because I can’t be in here. It’s driving me crazy!
A couple of months ago I felt really good, I don’t know if you remember that I had a goal that I had set. Anyway, now it feels like I’m back to my old habits and ways of thinking and I have to do something about that. My problem is that every time I do something it feels like I’m not worth it. I think: I have to take it easy this weekend. But then when I do I don’t like it because it feels like I should do something else instead. Today I felt like eating a muffin, but then I thought.. no I can’t. And then lost my appetite completely.
Now it feels like I have to do something, I can’t just sit here and wait for better times to come. Everything is so freaking ironic. My birthday is in like 3 weeks, but I can’t have a party because there it’s too small here. So I have told my mom that no one can come here. It might sound stupid, but it’s true. Now I thought that me and some others maybe could go and just have lunch or something. But I don’t know. I have a lot of cousins and aunts and other relatives, but I don’t know. I have told my mom and my sister that I want a DVD box, but we’ll se haha!
So now I’m thinking about what is the right thing to do. Maybe there are some alternatives. Haha! this is “self-coaching”.
Anyway I have to do something, maybe planning my time, and structure things would be the first step. Sometimes it feels like I’m just talking. I talked to a girl in my class today and she said: I have a lot of friends and we talk a lot, but we just talk about the same things, over and over again. Like normal ordinary things, but we never get any further. Nothing happens, and I want things to happen, because I don’t like how it is. Then I started thinking, do we just listen to what people say, but nothing more. I don’t say that we have a responsibility. It’s hard to explain, but I guess that I agree with her to some extent. Sometimes you talk to people, but do they really listen. I don’t know if you understand what I mean, because it feels like I can’t explain it. But as I said, maybe I have to plan my time, so I’ll have like working days, but with school things instead. I know it doesn’t take long time for me to learn, and if I focus, I’ll have free-time in the afternoons/evening – depending on our schedule. I think that would be good.
08 Friday Oct 2010
Posted in Okategoriserade
In school we have to read a huge 1400 pages book about psychology. I’m writing something here because I have to learn, hopefully something can be interesting for you to read. People are just strange, not strange, but we have our ways, I can tell you I have learned that by now ;)
And did you know that there is something called cognitive dissonance. When we do something or read something that don’t fit to our value norms – what we like or think is good/bad, we can either change our minds, OR try to find external justifications, or find excuses that we are right. Things that contradict creates dissonance and we strive to reduce it. Ie. someone tells you to lie (this is against your values) afterwards you feel bad, but then (automatically) think, oh, someone told me to and then I did something good because I did what someone asked me to do, or you might think: but it was fun, so everything is fine - even though you didn’t think so at all. We change our thought patterns to reduce the dissonance, and that is just how the brain and the thoughts work. It can also be explained like: that you see yourself doing something and then interpret the situation afterwards. I did this – then I must have felt this or that way, and that is why I did it – even though it wasn’t like that at all. Our brain can certainly play a joke on us. We are influenced by people around us, our thoughts about others and even ourselves all the time, and this makes us behave in certain ways.
28 Tuesday Sep 2010
Posted in Okategoriserade
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This week we are learning about motivation and emotions (about genes and intelligence too, but I’m not going to write about that now). The book we are using, Psychology the Science of Mind and Behaviour, is written by Passer and Smith et.al. According to this book we are motivated by different things, and I really want to understand this. I tried ti find more information online, but I couldn’t find much. I don’t know if this is a way on how you can interpret it.
According to one theory there are two kinds of motivation systems (neural systems). The behavior activation system (BAS) and the behavior inhibition system (BIS). BAS is roused to action by signals of potential reward and positive need gratification, and BIS responds to stimuli that signals potential pain or i.e. punishment. BAS produces feelings that makes us motivated to work towards positive goals, and things we want, and produces hope and happiness. BIS produces fear and inhibition of behavior, but also escape and avoidance behavior. People can have different degrees to which they show most activation or inhibition. BAS people prefer changes, and BIS people familiar things. These systems are a part in how we seek pleasure and avoid pain. Some people are sensitive to rewards and some to punishment, and this shapes the personality. Some really seek adventure, and some prefer the familiar, I think everyone knows one person of each category.
As I interpret it, either is the BAS system dominant or the BIS system. You are either (most) motivated by positive things or by negative things. But I’m not sure I understand this correctly. Let’s take an example if I hear about something fun, my BAS system is activated and I feel motivated, and happy and that makes me do things that will take me closer to my “goal”. If I hear about that all students that won’t pass on their exams will have to pay a fee, my BIS system is activated and I’m going to be motivated to study harder. If people have one system that is more dominant than the other, does that mean that one person can be more motivated and work harder if he/she is afraid (if he/she is BIS-dominant) than if a positive reward is announced? In that case it would mean that if you know which of the motivation systems are most dominant you know how to best motivate a person. Not that it sounds very funny to threaten someone. But if someone for example wants to lose weight that person might be most motivated to do so if either he/she is informed about all the dangers with overweight OR about how much better you feel when you are “thinner”.
Another part of this is why we affiliate, or what motivates us to do so. There are theories for this too, and some are based on a homeostasis theory – it’s like a thermostat, if your inner thermostat says “I like it best when I have few friends” you will seek solitude if you feel you have too many etc. According to a Craig Hill we affiliate for four different reasons: to get positive stimulation, receive emotional support, gain attention, and permit social comparison. This last reason is because through comparison we can judge our own abilities, and behavior and through that determine if we are ‘normal’. I think that is pretty interesting since I wrote about this the other week, that often people just want you to tell them that they are ‘normal’.
BUT, What I wanted to say was that this is also something that affects your personality, if you are a person with many friends or fewer.
Researches show that people who have a great need for affiliation make more friends that people who don’t. These people also think more about friends and how much they want to be with people. But because of this homeostasis people with lower affiliation seeks social contact, just like they with higher affiliation seeks solitude, but we seek either of these periods with less or more social contact when our body/brain? Tells us so.
Another thing that I find interesting is that fear-inducing situations we seek social contact, and then it’s easier to bond with strangers. When people are afraid they prefer to be with people who already have been through what they are going through, or with them who are going through the same thing. I wonder if this has something to do with why teenagers have so many friends, I know some people think that the teenage years were very frightening, then it’s not that strange that they tend to be with people who are going through the same thing to find support.
This also makes me think if it’s true that people who thinks that life is more threatening than others do, also have more friends, and like to be with people who are like them. If they also are BIS-dominant it wouldn’t be that strange, because then they seek the familiar, but are also motivated by fear. It also says that people who are BIS-dominant seek either real challenges that they never will accomplish or really easy tasks that will make them look good, because often these people are afraid of failure (that’s what motivate them). They have an ego-approach – they are motivated because they are afraid someone else is going to be better than them, or that they won’t look as good as the others. This can also be a reason to why they might have so many friends, they need to compare themselves, and to create some kind of “collective” identity.
I know that this is a simple way of explaining something that is so much bigger, and as I usually say, everything is relative. Something seems to be corrects one moment and totally wrong the other, and people see things from different views which gives all things millions of aspects.
I like to learn about things like these because it shows how different we are, and that we are different is not strange. There are thousands of ways to explain things, and I think people like to find explanations because we prefer to fees safe, and to have some kind of way to interpret the world. What really interests me is different personalities, and I hope we are going to learn more about this later on.
25 Saturday Sep 2010
Posted in Okategoriserade
It was the most boring party I’ve ever been to, ever! I’m not kidding! I went there with two other girls, after 30 minutes we thought about leaving, but we stayed for 1 1/2 hour. I know that it was a “student party” and you shouldn’t expect too much, but people were just going outside smoking marijuana and crack, then they went inside drinking vodka, went outside, went back in…. We couldn’t even talk to anyone except from one person. And we shouldn’t even talk about him. So no it was not fun, and only if I had been extremely drunk had it been fun there. We decided to leave at 22:00, we came there at like 20:30 or maybe later, when we went out people were throwing up, so embarrassing at that time. Then we went to Mc Donald´s and had ice cream. And then I took the bus home. We didn’t regret that we went there, but if we had stayed at home we would certainly not have missed anything, at all. One of the girls stayed there, we think, we didn’t see her, but we left anyway. I wonder what people are saying about this “party” on Monday. I think it was like this: the people there (the people in our class) really wanted to show each other who they “really” are, so they had to be “themselves”. They are new to the university, and they think it’s really really cool, and now because of that they have to be like that too.. That’s sad. I’ve been to theese kind of parties before, but I think this was the worst so far. I took some pictures, but since everyone were drunk and didn’t know I was taking pictures, I think I won’t show them.. The clock is 24:00, tomorrow I’ll do something more enjoyable. I like to meet new people, but I prefer to do that under more.. hmm.. different circumstances. I prefer dinner parties, and I think we’ll go to one the week after next week.
